The Sperm Extractor: Fleshlight Meets Its Match

Let's be honest, the Fleshlight is a horrible name for a sex toy. While trying to sound clever, it just comes across as stupid.  Is it a flashlight made out of flesh? If I use it will I be able to see pussy or what?

I don't ask for much but I do demand my male ejaculators look utilitarian, mechanical and come with a super kickass name. Enter the Sperm Extractor (a name I can trust) or by its catalog name, the SW-3701 Sperm Collector.  It's not flashy or whimsical. It's a matter of fact and direct. It has one meaning and one job - it extracts sperm.

The Jiangsu Sanwe Medical Science and Technology Center says their device, which has been sold to clinics in the US, Germany, Russia and France, simulates the temperature and feel of a vagina and is the most user-friendly way of collecting samples for sperm donation.

While Jiangsu got the name right it got the design is all wrong. It looks like the HAL 9000 had sex with a locker room weight scale.  While I'm willing to stick my dick into just about anything I might have second thoughts about putting Jimmy Jr. in HAL's eye hole. "Open the pod bay doors!"

"It can simulate vaginal [sic] environment, through massage, twitching, sucking, vibration, etc., act upon the human penis, which can make semen collection fast and safe", states the product brochure. Who am I to deny the fast and safe collection of my semen with a "twitching" act.

At $13,000 a unit, it's a bit cost restrictive but it really depends on the quantity of semen you plan on extracting.